Or.....Baby, it's cold out there.......but I'm not going to whine.
Yes, this morning it was cold and windy. Kind of like a November day on Cape Cod but not as cold or windy as it might be at West Dennis Beach. The kind of day that makes me glad I brought a warm coat, hat, gloves and scarves. Good thinking on my part. When I stopped in the cafe to chat over cappuccino with Isabella, she commented on how she sees people out on the Piazza San Rufino, her doorstep, inappropriately dressed and complaining about how cold they are. She's right. What are these people going to do when Winter officially arrives?
I have to make it abundantly clear, that I am not on a "vacation". I have not taken a break from reality nor have I forgotten for one nanno-second that in two weeks I will return to my home and will take up where I left off. Since I have been here, I lost a friend to an early and unexpected death, and my father took a fall in his new "home" which we try not to call "the nursing home," with surgery for a fractured hip as the result. Me here, him, there. It's been hard but my brother and husband are the newest candidates for sainthood. I'm here on a mission. Not on a merry-go-round. Not in a hurry. The only one I'm going to meet is myself. I'm pretty proud of the person I know I am because I have taken the time. Strength and courage. I like the combo. Pretty good way to finish celebrating my big birthday.
I've had loads of time to think about lots of things. I'm almost ready to come home. Three more friends are headed here and I look forward to their arrivals but when it's over, it's over and I will return to my home equipped, hopefully, for the Winter. My love affair with Italy is far from over but this is not my home and this is not my country. I'm eager to be back on the time clock with which I am familiar, eager to live in only one time zone at a time. Presently, thanks to technology and FaceTime, I'm living on European and American zones simultaneously and the days are very long. I'm ready to return to the non-metric way of measuring things, to the non-military-clock way of telling time. I'm ready for my boring life and my little condo. I'm ready for the loving arms of my husband and the eye-rolls of my pre-adolescent granddaughters when I tell them stories.
For now, I'm settled in. It has taken this long to really establish a pattern of behavior that suits me. I have had a constant flow of people, in and out of what has been playfully referred to as "The Guardino Condo, Assisi". I've done my best to act as an unofficial tour guide and have spent time, made memories, with friends who have joined my heart here. Not every minute was blissful but every minute was beautiful. I finally got a list of what days what types of trash get picked up. I know shortcuts to the grocery store. I don't feel the need to be outdoors all day and appreciate my quiet hours, alone. My current life has a little cadence to it and this is exactly what I needed.
For the first time in a long time, I will not be living in fear when I hear the weather forecasts, predicting snow and wind, probable power failures. I will know that my father is safe and that he will not have to weather any more storms alone. Like it or not, he will be taken care of in his new home.
So, for me, the arrival of the cold here, the little gusts of wind that blow leaves and papers down the tiny streets, remind me that yes, another Winter is begging the Autumn season to let go. I'm reminded with every whirl of air, every chill that wraps itself in between my layers, that a new season in my life is ahead and that I have done all that I can to prepare my soul for it.
Yes, this morning it was cold and windy. Kind of like a November day on Cape Cod but not as cold or windy as it might be at West Dennis Beach. The kind of day that makes me glad I brought a warm coat, hat, gloves and scarves. Good thinking on my part. When I stopped in the cafe to chat over cappuccino with Isabella, she commented on how she sees people out on the Piazza San Rufino, her doorstep, inappropriately dressed and complaining about how cold they are. She's right. What are these people going to do when Winter officially arrives?
I have to make it abundantly clear, that I am not on a "vacation". I have not taken a break from reality nor have I forgotten for one nanno-second that in two weeks I will return to my home and will take up where I left off. Since I have been here, I lost a friend to an early and unexpected death, and my father took a fall in his new "home" which we try not to call "the nursing home," with surgery for a fractured hip as the result. Me here, him, there. It's been hard but my brother and husband are the newest candidates for sainthood. I'm here on a mission. Not on a merry-go-round. Not in a hurry. The only one I'm going to meet is myself. I'm pretty proud of the person I know I am because I have taken the time. Strength and courage. I like the combo. Pretty good way to finish celebrating my big birthday.
I've had loads of time to think about lots of things. I'm almost ready to come home. Three more friends are headed here and I look forward to their arrivals but when it's over, it's over and I will return to my home equipped, hopefully, for the Winter. My love affair with Italy is far from over but this is not my home and this is not my country. I'm eager to be back on the time clock with which I am familiar, eager to live in only one time zone at a time. Presently, thanks to technology and FaceTime, I'm living on European and American zones simultaneously and the days are very long. I'm ready to return to the non-metric way of measuring things, to the non-military-clock way of telling time. I'm ready for my boring life and my little condo. I'm ready for the loving arms of my husband and the eye-rolls of my pre-adolescent granddaughters when I tell them stories.
For now, I'm settled in. It has taken this long to really establish a pattern of behavior that suits me. I have had a constant flow of people, in and out of what has been playfully referred to as "The Guardino Condo, Assisi". I've done my best to act as an unofficial tour guide and have spent time, made memories, with friends who have joined my heart here. Not every minute was blissful but every minute was beautiful. I finally got a list of what days what types of trash get picked up. I know shortcuts to the grocery store. I don't feel the need to be outdoors all day and appreciate my quiet hours, alone. My current life has a little cadence to it and this is exactly what I needed.
For the first time in a long time, I will not be living in fear when I hear the weather forecasts, predicting snow and wind, probable power failures. I will know that my father is safe and that he will not have to weather any more storms alone. Like it or not, he will be taken care of in his new home.
So, for me, the arrival of the cold here, the little gusts of wind that blow leaves and papers down the tiny streets, remind me that yes, another Winter is begging the Autumn season to let go. I'm reminded with every whirl of air, every chill that wraps itself in between my layers, that a new season in my life is ahead and that I have done all that I can to prepare my soul for it.
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