Now It Looks Like

 Yesterday, an interesting piece arrived in my inbox, incorporated into a daily drop called "Nice News".  The email author cited an essay written by author Amy Wheatherly that has now, via Facebook, gone viral.  In it, the mom-blogger humorously speaks to the thirty and forty-somethings about friendships and how they "change"over the years. For those of us who have been lucky enough, we certainly can relate. 

My immediate response was to forward a copy of the email to my friend Janet. She and I have shared a close friendship that has spanned almost seventy years. Along with Kel and Lori, we have been through every phase of our lives together, starting from grammar school in a New York suburb. So, of course, I had to run this by Janet and of course, I got a response that was priceless. We agreed that the dialogue has changed, that we have our own version of what we say to each other "nowadays" versus what we exchanged "then".  And, our communication system, maybe thanks in part to the wisdom of our children and grandchildren, has evolved into text messaging, replacing the old Princess phone on the Formica kitchen counter. I laugh when I think of how we whiled away the hours, and yet, we still managed to get a lot done as teenagers and then, as busy mothers. So much of our chit chat revolved around the need for more sleep, more money, more free time and more hours in the day. 

In the Amy Wheatherby essay, she features bytes of young women in exchanges that now typify their lives and how they differ from the chats of women a decade younger. How we navigate through friendships, changing over time. It's a fun little read but it does stop at age forty......Fortunately, friendships, at least some of mine, have not stopped at age forty. Nor, fifty. Nor sixty. Not even seventy. So, there's a whole new list of what we can and do say to each other, of words that have replaced those of young, energetic and yet-to-be real life- challenged women. Borrowing Amy Wheatherly's style if I may, here's what our friendships look more like now..........

Now it looks like waiting for messages letting us know that the tests are done and all is well for another year

Now it looks like "what do you do for the sore, creaky hands you wake up with?"

Now it looks like "is anyone still eating peppers?"

Now it looks like making plans to meet and plans ending like this: "I may have to cancel because I have a stomach bug" met with "I was going to call you and cancel because I have a tooth infection" coupled with "And Kel can't make it because she's exhausted from coughing"

Now it looks like "Was that really fifty years ago?"

Now it looks like "oh boy, if I day drink, I'll be out for hours"

Now it looks like "that waiter is very nice looking for a man of his age."

Now it looks like the day out being half a day

Now it looks like "I never hear from my children, forget about the grandchildren"

Now it looks like "days go by without......"

Now it looks like Words With Friends, Wordle and the Obits 

Now it looks like "could-nots and should-nots and will-nots"

Now it looks like "see-you-next-time...God-willing" 

Now it looks like "only if you have decaf "

Now it looks like "I don't drive at night"

Now it looks like "I've been taking it for twenty years and it hasn't caused dementia...yet"

Now it looks like "this may be the last time"

Now it looks like lipstick has been replaced by chapstick and concealer has become an out-of-pocket-expense

Now it looks like "did you ask for the Senior Discount"

Now it looks like travel insurance and aisle seats close to bathrooms just in case

Now it looks like "I had you on my mind all day today and forgot to text you"

Now it looks like "Seventy five? Noooooooooooo!!! It can't be"

Now it looks like "If not now, then when?"

In the Library

Last Thursday night, during my volunteer duty at the Dennis Memorial Library,  the very heart of the village in which I live, something extraordinary happened. Well, something memorable on one level or another happens there regularly, but this, to me, was extraordinary and an event that I shall never forget. 

A set of young women have been showing up on a regular basis each Thursday evening. They pass by our front desk, smile and exchange pleasantries with us before retreating to a quiet room where they sit together at a table. At first, it was assumed that they were studying together, perhaps working on a mutual assignment or maybe one was tutoring the other. The possibilities also included an English as a Second Language meetup.  But, as the weeks progressed, my library duties allowed me to pass by that room and observe the two women who clearly were just having a good time, enjoying each others company, softly chatting and laughing. A tea party, minus the tea. I never asked, nor did my fellow volunteers. Our library welcomes such meetings. It's not always about the books. DML is so much more in our community.

So, on Thursday, one of the  two women came in alone. She stopped briefly at the desk on her way back to the quiet room, and said that her friend could not make it this evening. She remained until about twenty minutes before closing time when she emerged and came up to our desk with a question. "Is it possible to become a member?" A huge smile crossed her face and her big brown eyes lit up when I told her that yes, she certainly could join our library. I  nearly burst from joy as I invited her with, "Would you like a card right now? Fill out this form and you will have your own in a few minutes" Her questions, to those of us who were born clutching our own library cards as we emerged from the womb,  might have seemed  naive. But to her, each answer brought remarkable pleasure as her eyes grew brighter and brighter. While preparing her spanking new library card, she asked if this would allow her to take any book home, And then, she selected a book and used her own card for the very first time. Out came the little slip of paper which tells patrons when their book is due back and again, a moment of joy. "I can really keep it for a MONTH????" 

I'm not sure why these women meet at the library. There are a host of possibilities. Maybe they live in homes where the noise levels are bothersome. Maybe they are escaping a reality and finding comfort and safety from being surrounded by books and people who share their love of the written word. Libraries have become so much more than they were during my childhood when the expectation was the keeping of a silence from entrance to exit, the presentation of a card and the promise to return the borrowed book within the two week allowed time. Infractions were not tolerated and "overdue" books were met with fines upon return. Failure to pay the fine resulted in the loss of future dealings until paid in full. If nothing else, the system taught us respect for books and  a good dose of responsibility, nevermind respect for those who were using the library for research. With the advent of the internet, fewer and fewer people are willing to give up an evening of mindless network t.v. for an evening at their local. Need information, you get instant information. So, the modern library is so much more than a hushed environment that caters to the serious, the quiet, the introvert. As in the case of the two friends who visit on Thursday nights, the library is also the place of social discourse, a safe haven, a book-lined hangout. 

I probably will take some time this week, if we are again visited on Thursday evening, to get more acquainted with the new card holder. My curiosity is raised. It's my turn to get some information. It's also an opportunity for me to gloat, to be proud and happy for having been the one who started what I hope will be a lifelong love story. You see, I totally get it. I'm still in awe, and have been since my childhood, of the very fact that such places exist, that throughout time, they have endured and remained on the scene in thousands of communities. I still get a thrill each time I cross a library threshold and I am still in love with the idea that yes, I can take a book, or maybe an armful at a time of books, home. And, yes, I can keep them for a month, or maybe more if I need to. Any yes, all of this is free, available and open to me and to you and to every and any one who wants to read, learn, watch. listen or just hang out.