Sunday, August 10, 2014


A very dear friend is in pain.  I know her pain.  I've been there and oftentimes, I am still there.  It's the kind of pain that literally cuts right straight through your body, from one anatomical sphere, clear through to the opposing one and it hurts, oh so badly.  It makes everything sour in your world.  You can't focus on much else, other than that nagging pain and you think two things:  you are the only one who has ever had this experience and the empty feeling will never go away.  It might be very true that life will never be the same - for you or for the person who has just walked away into a new one, leaving you behind.  Did you ever have a best friend move away?  Far away? For what you are sure is no good reason.  Forever, never to return to that space you once occupied in unison.  It is profoundly sad, saying that good bye to a friend.  It's not  very different from saying good bye to a husband, a boyfriend, a child leaving your home for the first time.  It aches, right through to that other-side.

I used to take aerobics classes in New York with my daughter, in that magical time in between graduating from college and finding her world on her own, away from her childhood.  I loved it.  When she left for Boston, to her forever world, leaving me behind in mine, my heart broke. Knowing I could not endure one moment without her in that space, I never returned to class.  When my son left for his life, he placed a small note on the kitchen counter.  All it said was "I am proud to be your son".  I'm sure I still have that note somewhere.  If I came across it, I know I would not be able to read it nor would I be able to put it down.  It all reminds me of the pain and geesh, I can't do it, any of it.  

Did you ever lose a pet:?  Have to put a dog down or your cat, the one you always had, always?  If you did, you must recall the first day you walked into your home after "that day".  I cried for a year.  

When my best friend relocated to London, I missed her terribly. Years later, after her return,  I surprised myself at my reaction to her decision to end her marriage of twenty six years.  I mourned the loss of their familiarity; the part that as a couple, they played in our lives as a family.  It took me a long time to feel better, but I did.

My friend will one day feel better too.  Her pain will diminish.  She'll grow in ways that would make her departing beloved pal proud and together, they'll find a new life and they'll come to realize that they both live under pretty-much the same sky and that if they look straight ahead long enough, they both will see a horizon.  Life will never be the same but I promise, it will all be okay. Lessons will be learned and, unfortunately, there will be other things in their lives that might bring anguish but there will also be new joys.

Loss, it really sucks. Badly. It's okay to cry.  

Hang in there Nina.

Lots of love and good luck, Jane-Allie.  I'll miss you too.

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