Father's Day

Ten Years has made more than one change.  Dad at 82.  

I did my thing.

It was with my heart in my hand that I made the phone call this morning, with the same pit in my stomach that I usually have when I make that phone call, daily, sometimes twice.  I really, really tried but I lost the battle.Again. Today.

"Come on over for lunch! I'm making pasta"

"Nah, no, but thanks anyway"

"Why not?"

"I just don't feel like it"

Today is Father's Day.  A day that we can honor our fathers, unabashed.  It's the day that we can tell them, verbally, in our kind gestures, or by the use of our friends at Hallmark, how much we truly do love them, and care for and about them.  It's that one day in the year when we can sum it all up without anyone getting embarrassed or without any holds barred.  We can tell Dad that we love him, always have, and always will.  We can let him know that we still remember all the times that he put us first, that he spent his last buck and bore alone the worry of how he was going to buy his subway tokens for the rest of the week, in the days before the words ATM, Debit Cards, Cash Advance or disposable income were in the vernacular.  It's the day, the one out of the 365, when we can tell him that we remember the look on his face when we accomplished so much more than he ever dreamed he might have, sitting there at our graduations, our weddings, our children's graduations and weddings.  It's the day that we can say that together we've weathered a few storms without caving and together, we'll make it through some of the toughest yet to come. I promise to be brave, even if you falter.  I'll keep your secrets.

You'll never read this Dad, but it doesn't matter.  I just want you to know that I agreed with Mom's last words to you when she said "Charlie, you are the bravest man I've ever known".  I just want you to know that I'll never forget anything, and will always think of you as the kindest and most generous man who lived to make his family happy and sacrificed to guarantee that they would be.

It is because of you and Mom, the two greatest teachers of courage and wisdom, that I understand that you've changed, you have not disappeared.