Io Sono Confused

I have one more day to learn what I have been struggling with for no less than ten years now.  Not mastering a new language in it's entirety, just nailing down two very simple parts of an incredibly complex web of grammar....the verbs "to be" and "to have".  Easy, no?  So what's my problem.  In English, "to be", in Italian "Essere".  In English, "to have", in Italian "Avere".  And that is where I jump from the simple side of the Good Ship Grammar into the dark and murky waters of Conjugation Ocean..........

I am.....io sono
I am a fairly educated middle-aged woman
I am happy
I am preparing for a journey

You are.....tu sei
You are probably reading this
You are wondering where this is leading
You are wondering why I am finding the memorization of the conjugation of a simple infinitive so difficult, that's because you are my friend....after all, I used "tu"

He, she, is......egli, ella, Lei, esso, essa e (with an accent over the e.....)
He, she, he, she......whoever is starting to make this complicated and they insist that the e have an accent lest it mean something completely different like "and" instead of "is".  (I need an Italian keyboard for my computer!)

We are.....noi siamo
We are Americans
We are past our "stage of readiness" for leaning this stuff by the time we are 65
We are happy with speaking English and find even that to be confusing sometimes

You are....voi siete
You are, if you are Italian and speak the language, so much better at understanding why we just can stop with "tu sei" when we want to say "you are"
You are so much smarter as a group, when it comes to speaking Italian if you were born there and live there

They are......esse, essi, Loro sono
They are, once again, taunting me but I like Loro sono so I probably will over use it.
They are, the Italians, a group of folk who understand why "Loro" always starts with a capital "L" and the others don't.

Now, a little bit from Il verbo Avere.  Avere is another infitio del verbo.  Hey, I'm already sounding smarter!

I have......io ho
I have less than one day to get this all straightened out
I have great anxiety about using the wrong conjugation at the wrong time
I have no idea what will happen when I open my mouth and say I have something and let's hope I'm not calling for medical assistance!

You have......tu hai
You have got to be there when I say tu hai and mean something completely different, especially if in a medical situation......Oh, no, that's right, I'm retired so I won't be doing much of that.

He, she, has......egli, ella, Lei, esso, essa. Lei ha
He, she and whomever else will be rolling in the aisles and there are a lot of aisles in Assisi! Ha ha ha...get it?
He, she and whomever are the only ones who understand why Lei is capitalized

We have.......noi abbiamo
We have nothing like some of this stuff in the English language and we have not learned most of the parts of grammar that the Italians take for granted....what the heck is the passive mood anyway?
We have no idea of why Dante thought the language would be so much nicer after he fixed it

You have.......voi avete
You have been addressed in the "formal" conjugation of the verb avere.  If I knew you better, I would say "tu hai"

You (the whole lot of you) have......essi, esse, Loro hanno

You  (all) have totally confused me, made me feel like a pre-schooler, scared me, but have added confidence to my life and a desire to learn more.
You (all) have stolen my heart and a lot of my brain cells and given me something to which I look forward year after year.

La mia bell'Italia di amico, vengo per spendere il tempo con lei presto. Sono eccitato molto e felice e ho molte aspettative. Lei è lì, mi aspetta. Avrò un tempo meraviglioso e sono eccitato preparare ed avere l'opportunità per crescere ed imparare. Per favore di essere paziente con me ed insegnarmi tutto che lei deve offrire. Ringraziarla,
Io sono Lynn