My usual blogging experiences have found me up early in the morning, using the wonder-fueled technique of opinion-writing as a vehicle for venting all of my woes. It is true, that through writing, we discover things about ourselves and yes, I have discovered many things both good and bad about my true self. Along the way, I invested in an online writing course that held the words "true and self" in the description and I must admit, it was an exciting adventure.
But things are changing. At least, I want and need them to change. I want to discover somethings about myself that might have been left buried. I need to explore and unearth and find peace, carma and true self-adoration. Life has changed in ways that only those who are of a certain age can understand or perhaps, not understand. There are hosts of those, of the certain age who are totally home free. No parents, no kids, no mortgage, no jobs, just lives of uninterrupted bliss. They earned it and now, they are cashing in. Alas, I am not in that elite group and I am surrounded by others who also disqualify for the Perfect Final Years Club. However, staying on track here, grousing and complaining and shouting out have not helped. I can't say that I have actually turned to higher ups and found my solace the art of "praying". I suppose that comes as a result of a case of A.D.D. that started as a child in the days before there was an awareness so it was left un-attended. I've referred to my "Monkey Brain" several times and it is still alive and well. So, prayer like the nuns do, escapes me. But, hang in there Monkeys and friends. There may be hope.
The postman arrived on Sunday. Drove a little package right up to the front door. For me! From one of my dearest friends, one who knows. One who comes from the No-Judgement Zone. It is a book, a gift of a book. Outrageous Openness by Tosha Silver. Letting the Divine Take the Lead.
Darling Barbara, the daughter of another of those stubborn 94 year old fathers who do bad things with their cars, said on the gift card "Lynn, it seems like a good time for you to have a copy of this wonderful little book. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have and receive a little encouragement and comfort from her sometimes kooky approach". Wise friend as usual.
So, I plunged into kooky Tosha's book, trying all the while to understand why a Jew loves all the things the Christians are taught to love, like it or not. I am still working on trying to figure out who the "Divine" is (I always thought it was God) and I'm still reading and wondering when it is going to hit me over the head like a frying pan. It's the A.D.D. that prevents me from being a good and steady reader, but I am trying to overcome that problem (new meds help).
I woke up this morning with a new determination. I'm going to TRY to apply some of the principals I'm reading about. I'm going to TRY to open my heart and my entire life and allow whoever this Divine person is, to direct me. I got a gift from a friend who obviously was directed to send it to me so there's a hint that there may be something to this. And, okay, maybe I want to read something more into this....but.....the gift arrived during an agonizing dinner with my father at our home. It was his second visit in almost a year. We dragged him over here, trying to give him some respite from his worries and, in return, he tortured us with his dementia. The door bell rang, and hope was on its way.
So, for today, a thought from the lovely book....
"My perfect new path is already selected and will arrive at the right time. I'll be shown the steps to receive it"
Is that perfectly great or what?