Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Mirror Mirror

Edited....didn't you notice the errors when first you read this?  I did, in the edit-read.  Forgive me.  I'm not fully recovered from a weekend of no-editing-allowed-writing.

Here's the problem that comes with having short white hair.  Everyone thinks that all women who have that combo look the same.  It's a real problem.

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My Photo
Now you tell me, do we all look alike????

I look into the mirror and there are days, I swear my mother is the person staring back at me.  I always looked like her and as I got older, I did my darnedest to change that in a lot of ways.  As we aged, we started looking more and more alike.  As a younger woman,  not so much.  My mother was really beautiful. I see pictures of her as a young woman, her long brown hair and her blue eyes, and I can only think of her as a very pretty woman.  I was never pretty. My daughter is pretty, she looks just like my mother at the same age, only with beautiful brown eyes.  But I have and always have had, blue eyes and fortunately, that is what people notice and stop their gaze.  I guess I'm more aware and more sensitive to the resemblance now that my mother is dead and my father has only me, myself, and I in his world.  I just don't want him to think of my mother when he looks at me.  She was she and I am me and that's the name of that tune.

So, when I was told by an acquaintance that she was told by some mutual acquaintances that we could be "twins", I practically went insane on the spot.  The very idea of someone looking like my twin has not gone down well.  I don't know where to turn next.  After years of trying to look somewhat unique, this is what it has come to? Is it the white hair? Should I dye it? Should I grow it long, get a perm? Oh come on, help me here!  I do believe that there really are only so many combinations, resulting in lots of people looking like each other.  I mean, it's bound to happen. But why me?  Why is it that I get that comment from so many people, so many times...."You look JUST like so and so" and then there's the one I love most "Did anyone ever tell you that you look EXACTLY like Bea Arthur?....Look at her Honey, doesn't she look JUST like Bea Arthur?" I'm only more excited when they can't remember Bea's name and refer to me as "Maude". Oh yes, I'm a Maude if ever there was one. Sure thing.  Alongside that particular joy is the one that goes this way "I swear, I've seen you before. Do I know you? Have we met? You look JUST like someone I know!", always of course, stated like "Wow, there are TWO freaks now! You look just like the other freak."

I want desperately and wholeheartedly to look like myself, to be my own person, to walk in only my shoes, to have my own thoughts, to see things my way without having to explain them to you, to make my own choices, to love who I love, like who I like, don't like who I don't like and to be my own self.  Did I already say that?

Of course, this whole thing would have been entirely different had someone told me that she had been told that I could be her twin and that person was Helen Miran.  That would have been a whole lotta different story.

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