Sono Qui.....Again

After two days dedicated to travel and one complete night and day without a minute of sleep, I'm back in Italy.  My beloved Assisi welcomed me with tears and then, when the drizzle stopped, with the sunsets that are capable of breaking one's heart.

I am here for good reasons, most of which can only be understood by those who have faith in God and willingness to assign great things to a simple word. Grace.

It is grace that prompted my idea to come here and it was grace that spirited me on when I almost had to ditch my plans.  My plans?  No.....this whole thing is and never was, "my" plan.  It was masterminded by God, trust me.

Six years ago, following my mother's death, I came to Assisi, alone, for a month.  I needed to get away, to be able to mourn without troubling anyone.  I needed a safe and peaceful existence and was heeding the words of the hospice social worker who told me that I did not have to live in my father's world following the death of my mother.  It was here, in Assisi, that I spent the most magical of times with my recently deceased mother, joined by her mother.  Together, we worked it out and forever will I remember the strength that grew with each of the hours during those days. And, for the past six years, I have lived in my father's world and have done my noble best to make it a happier one for him.

I'm not going to fill this page with woes so suffice it to say that my father is now six years older, just turned 97 in fact, and his days of independence have come to an end.  I prayed. I prayed a lot.  And my prayers were answered and a plan of action, so beyond my ability to fashion it, became a reality.  Had I not taken myself away, had I not received the gift of grace, my father's future would have been very different and while he may have thought otherwise, his life would not have been as safe and as happy as I am sure it will be very soon.

So, here I am.  This time, I am not alone.  I traveled here with a remarkably young 81 year old friend, one who has had health problems but still has vitality and a desire to live her life to the fullest.  My pal Jenny will be with me for two weeks and next week, will be attending the highly regarded Italian language school here in town.  It has been a dream and she will fulfill it.  I've given her a grand tour and tomorrow, she will venture out alone and I will pursue some of the things I have come here seeking.  My hiking clothes and shoes are at the ready and my heart is ready for whatever comes.
I'm on the cusp of another Camino.  I have my own hopes and dreams and I know that I am ready for the next five weeks and that when I return to my home, I will be refreshed and more resilient.

But now, for some physical and mental rest.

Journey End Started

I just received an email from a friend in Italy, the lovely man who will, at least
for the month of November, be my landlord.  He reminded me that I will be arriving in Assisi in ten days and he is "excited".  In my reply to him, I confirmed that he is not the only one who is excited about the plans. And, as I did so, I reminded him that six months ago, this journey that I am now planning to complete, started when Joe and I did our Camino in Spain.

My granddaughters became the henchmen for what I had fondly referred to as #mycamino, on my Instagram photos.  During a visit, they probably thought they were amusing when they sarcastically referred to the use of this "hashtag".  But it was embarrassing and hurtful and it brought my little ritual to an abrupt end.  Let me go on record as saying that I am not a FaceBook user and that I have used Instagram for a while as a repository of photos and a way to connect with other photos.  Beyond that, social media is not part of my life and I'm not always even sure of what and why hashtags exist. I just know that one click of #mycamino brings me back to not only my memories but those of others who also treasured their experiences on the Camino de Santiago.

So, please indulge me.  Please don't mock me.  I don't do well with that and promise to not do it to you.

In ten short, windy days, I will be back on MY Camino.  In three short, cold and snowy months, I will have completed my seventieth year.  I have my health, my wits-about-me, my ideal blood pressure and weight (finally), and I have a heck of a lot for which to be grateful. I also have a heck of a lot to contemplate as I face, along with the rest of humanity, an uncertain future.

Six years ago, in my own way of mourning my mother's death, I took myself to Assisi, Italy, for one month.  I was alone for most of that month and was free to use my time in any way I sought.  It was wonderful and healing.  I found comfort at every turn and heightened spirituality was only one of the benefits.  I know that I grew as a person if not only for the fact that going solo meant a huge confidence boost at a time I needed it.  Spirituality and confidence have stuck.  And now, they are the very things that have led me to the perfect end of my year-long celebration of life.  I'm about to do it my way.  This time, I will not be totally alone.  Most of the people who will be accompanying me also have a mission.  More about that later, as days go by and we unfold our stories.

For now, as I prepare for my journey, I know
I am also preparing for the journey back home.  My father becomes 97 next week, just days before I depart.  The Winter will arrive soon after my return.
My mother-in-law is now just a few months short of her 104th birthday.  It's been a long, disturbing Summer.  The more I am ready, the more useful I will become. The more fulfilled I can claim to be, the more resilient I know I will be.  My loving and wonderful husband understands all of this.  He's a major part of everything I do and this time, once again,will remain on the bleachers.  But, he's also been a pilgrim and he gives his blessing, knowing that I will come home with a readiness for the rest of our lives.  #ourcamino.