Smart Baby Day

Day Three at home begins.  So far, all I can say is that as baffling as it all sounds, I am managing to get through this first week of the liquid diet and I don't feel tired, weak, nauseous or in pain.  I have more energy than I should have and have to keep reminding myself that less than one week ago, Dr. Kruger (an unfortunate name for a surgeon) came through my belly with a chainsaw and helped himself to a chunk of my stomach!  Were this thirty years ago, I would still be laying in Intensive Care and now that I think about it, my grandmother, due to stomach "problems" had less of hers removed 40 years ago and died while in the hospital.

So, it gets easier every hour it seems.  Apparently, I have been successful in getting enough fluids.Soupy-solids, not so much.  I'm progressing slowly in that department.  I read the info sheet that the dietitian handed out for this week and I willingly admit that I'm not up there with the best of the Protein ingesters.  That will come.  So much of that stuff is sweet and sweet is one of my new hate words.

I don't sleep any better ( and you know, I don't weigh much less yet) so when I woke up in the middle of last night......hungry......I had plenty of time to think about the situation at hand, er in abdomen.
I pictured what is now called my "pouch" and realized that the feeling I was experiencing was not "hunger".  It was the feeling of "empty" because it was not full. I thought to myself "This is what a baby feels like  when it wakes up crying at night. " What does an infant know of "hunger"? It just feels the loss of food in its tiny pouch that one day will be called a "stomach" and it cries so Mommy and Daddy will fill it up.  My mother is deceased and in a gazillion gazillion years there is no way I would call upon my father for sustenance and my incredibly amazing husband who would do anything on the Earth for me, was making it pretty clear that he was sound asleep so I got myself out of bed and into the kitchen.  Earlier in the day, we were in a store and I spotted little "portion cups" with lids, the type that they give you with your take-away food.We picked up a pack, knowing that we were directed to do so by the angels. I portioned out the amount of plain Greek, high protein yogurt that I imagined would fill my pouch into a little cup, and brought it back to the bedroom.  I sat down in my comfy chair and fed my inner baby.  Just enough.  I was correct in my estimation. As soon as I got the monkeys in my brain to stop swinging from tree to tree, I was back to sleep.

My Bariatric Team encourages support group attendance.  It's almost mandatory.  They believe that sitting in a group, listening to others either complain about how deprived they feel or spout out recipes for Instant Milk Enriched Artificially Sweetened Pudding, impacts upon ones success. Trust me, for a lot of people, this becomes a lifeline.  I know that I'm not going that route.  If for no other reason, I have Joe on my side, he's my sounding board and Director of the Cheer Squad.  I've got friends, oh-my-God-do-I-have- FRIENDS, who are right there, crashing me through the ceiling.  So, here's how I figure it.....instead of attending a support group of recent "Sleevers", I'm going to sit down with a group of smart babies.  I think they know a lot more about how to keep a tiny stomach full and how to keep those diapers wet.

Today, Smart Baby Day, Number One. Bring it on!!

Stage Three Continues

• Broth
• Unsweetened juice
• Decaffeinated tea or coffee
• Milk (skim or 1 percent)
• Strained cream soup
• Sugar-free gelatin or popsicles

Coming home from the hospital, I found myself somewhere between a child on Christmas morning and a very determined older woman.  Hmmm.  What's that all about?Well, for months prior to surgery, one studies and gets tutored on the various Stages of Nutrition.  There's a pre-op phase, one in which it is advisable to start cutting down on ALL the things on likes and trying for a weight loss of approximately 1% of one's body weight.  All the things include caffeine, alcohol, sugar and rich foods. The reason is simple.  All the things one likes are all the things that make a liver fat and heavy.  In other words, the risk of complications, right there on the operating table, can be attenuated if the liver is lightened.  Fat, heavy liver, more risk.  So, there's that

During pre-op workshops and meetings, nutrition is a constant.  Over and over and over, the dietitians emphasize the importance of following the guidelines lest one will suffer dire consequences.  Lists of foods are presented.  Ideas, suggestions, recommendations come at you from all angles.  Eat this, not that.  Add this for protein,  Subtract that for its empty calories.  Drink this.....but not during a meal.  Stop drinking fluids one hour before a meal.  Start again one half hour after.  Chew slowly....sip like a snail.  Oy-yoi-yoi-yoi-yoi.  Lists, booklets, leaflets, blog sites, websites, forums, apps, appointments, classes.  And then, you're in the hospital and the dietitian appears, arm in sling, discomfort on her face.  You're hurting but she's in pain!!!  Poor thing had Rotator Cuff surgery somewhere during your pre-op weeks and she has to go to every patient, pour out highly important information and all you can do is wish she would go home and take care of herself.  Yep. That's what happened.  So, I took the new set of lists.  I tucked the new set of directions for when I got home, into my vast number of other papers and the trays arrived from the kitchen and I pushed them aside and ate a few sips here and there.  I know I was being monitored in some fashion but don't know how accurately.  "We need to know how much you ate on this shift.  We also need to know how much you peed."  How?  By looking at what I left on my tray?  And the pee....well, I know how to measure that and report it but I sure as hell wasn't going to let it sit in the bathroom waiting for a kindly but overworked nursing assistant to come pick it up like my roomie did.  I've emptied tons of pee in my nursing days but you know what?  Out of desperation, I emptied hers and it was the only time I almost tossed my cookies.  Boy, am I rusty!!  Anyway, long story short, on the day of discharge, like a naughty girl, I emptied half of my tomato soup down the bathroom sink.  Of course I did not realize that it would take some kind of cleaning product to erase the vestiges.  Good for my roomie.  She had it coming.  I only wish her dumb brother in law needed the bathroom when he came to visit.

So, yesterday, I had a day on my own and it wasn't easy.  Like the Christmas-kid, I wanted to try all the new foods from the list.  I was eager to sample things and to conform to the demands of hydration.  It was rough.  I got a lot of "stuff" in but spent the day wondering if the rest of my life is going to be like this day?

Got up this morning with a whole new resolve.  I drank 11 ounces of Muscle Milk, Light, and did some more reading.  My team is aggressive with this Third Stage.  By now, I'm okay if I'm only on Clear Liquids for another week, as long as I have 64 ounces in a day.  I won't die of starvation although my hunger hormones seemingly have not exited the building as promised. I intend to be patient with that too.  All is well and I'm not in pain and not nauseous. And I don't intend to empty another measuring device of pee so long as I shall live.

Be good, Do good, Feel good.

Home,Sweet Home

I got those angels working overtime yesterday.  In the morning, my surgeon said that I did not look ready to be discharged and suggested that maybe another night stay might be what I needed.  He obviously did not know me......first of all, how could I look ready, sitting in a messy bed, sporting  a hospital gown that I had donned when I arrived for surgery, the one that is big enough to fit fourteen large people in it......totally tethered to an I.V. on a pole? I mean really, I did not have any lipstick on and not one vestige of glitter!  I begged for one thing only.  Please d.c. the I./V. and I'll show you "ready".  I needed desperately to be discharged yesterday.

My life since Tuesday?  Different but certainly not as drastically changed as one might expect following the removal of 80% of one's stomach.  Through amazing technology, once we got the ball rolling, the deed was done in under an hour.  I woke up in the recovery room wondering when the procedure was going to start.  Nothing more, nothing less. The excellent, breezy care that had started with my pre-op....fun nurse, cutie-pattottie anesthesiologist who wasn't more than fifteen years old, and my nonchalant surgeon, continued from Moment One post-op.

Tobey Hospital is very small.  It does not rank up there in people's minds as a "hospital of choice" It does not have fancy new wings and departments.  It's been on the same footprint with very little change in appearance, since the thirties.  But, it does hold the rank of "Center of Excellence" in Bariatric Surgery and for that, there are many, many good reasons.  A Center of Excellence title is earned by institutions that have concentration of knowledge, experience, resources and research.  One of the hallmarks of COE's is the existence of teams. I was in very good hands the entire time .  I cannot emphasize how comforting that was.

Evening One was not a comfy one.  There was pain but there was a morphine pump and it worked. I'm not a good sleeper under the best of circumstances so under the worst - noisy patients with visitors, night shift nurses who for some reason don't realize that their voices are LOUD, in and out with vital signs, lights on, lights off, infusion alarms beeping every time I twisted my body.  If not mine, then my roommate's.  No sleep

Post-op Day One.  More of same noise,  interrupted naps and now....time to start sipping fluids.  I don't want to discourage anyone who may want to have this surgery one day but the desire to eat, sip or have anything whatsoever enter the body through the lips can be daunting.  I had a tough time when the meal trays arrived.  Especially since, each shift of nurses need to account for what has gone into that body.  Very hard getting 32 ounces of ANYTHING in during an 8 hour day.

The only way to do Bariatric, non-invasive surgery is to blow up the abdominal cavity with air.  Once it is inflated, the surgeon can see, through tiny cameras, what's going on inside there.  Think of those pictures we see from the Moon.  The astronauts scooting about on the moon surface.  That's what happens inside there.  Punch 6 holes in the belly, enter with the cameras through some of the holes,lift things, poke things and then quickly staple the length of the stomach, clip it off, and pull it through that hole in the right side of the abdomen.  No wonder that hurt so much when I was walking only hours after I woke up!  The air that gets shot in there, Nitrous Oxide, has to come out and the only way to get that moving is to keep moving.  Lots of small walks, dragging an I.V. pole, holding onto the back door of my gigantic hospital gown, down the halls and back.  Move out air!  Burp. Burp. Remember, it's in my abdominal cavity, not my intestines.....not for a few more days.

My diet for the next two weeks....liquids only.  Not only clear liquids.  I can have a range of not-so-clear liquids and that includes yogurts and creamy soups.  My taste for sweet things has vanished and that has made it a chore on top of a chore.  Perhaps that will return.  No real sugar allowed.  Real sugar and too much intake of anything will cause results that I will not care for.  Low-sugar or no-sugar.  I'll do what it takes and I'll just keep on sipping.  I have to.  I can't let my doctor down.  He told me he did not want to see me in his E.R. for 30 days.  He's afraid I will suffer dehydration.  That's why he wanted to keep me tethered to that uncomfortable bed another night.  Little doe he know, I no more want to visit his E.R. than he does and a return to the hospital.....well, that's not an option.  Isn't that precisely why I put myself through all of this in the first place?  I intend to be the healthiest contributor to society that I can possibly be and hopefully, that will include being a strong arm to someone else who needs it in an hour of darkness.

For now, sip, sip sip and thank you to everyone of you who have contributed to my success thus far. Without supporters, this job could be a whole lot harder.

I Could Not Possibly Have Said It Better.....

cou

Be Good, Do Good, Feel Good

I am at a truly weird part of my life at this very moment.  Tomorrow is the big day.  The hospital called earlier to tell me to be there at 11:30 so I'm assuming that my surgery is scheduled for some time around 1:00. The post-op liquids have been purchased, the refrigerator stocked.  My bag is packed and as directed, I ate a light lunch and have downed 10 ounces of cherry-flavored Citrate of Magnesia.  It is the last sweet flavor I will have for many, many weeks.  That lunch was the last "normal"meal I will have consumed for months if I totally behave and want to avoid problems that will have dire consequences.  Trust me, I will follow the rules to the letter!!

What makes this so weird or so strange and different, and why it feels so much like waiting for the onset of labor at the end of a long pregnancy, is that I am literally on the doorstep of a total life change.  I have referred to my imminent surgery as "the life changer" to my very dear Lynette.  She totally gets it and supports me as I make this reference.  Naturally, so does my patient and loving husband who will be incredibly involved in this life change, for better or for worse.  Isn't that what we promised in our wedding vows some 47 years ago?  He's a man who's true to his word and so much more.

As I sit here, waiting for something to start happening as a result of that cherry drink, emails and texts are rolling in.  What an incredible feeling.  So many people are cheering me on, proving to me that they support what I am doing and why I am doing this.  I hear them saying that they love me, that they would love me just the same if I remained at my current weight. I hear them saying that they support my choice and trust me because they know I am intelligent and will follow this path to a healthier life, not because I am in any way self-absorbed or vain.  Trust me, I'm not doing this for vanity!  That skin has to go somewhere and I'm betting that there will be a lot of nasty places that it will hang.  And my face, well, that might change and not for the better but......it's worth it all if I can feel good and keep on feeling good for the rest of my life.

Yesterday, I spent the entire day in the company of three of my "younger" gal pals.  We went off Cape and I followed them around as they dove in and out of vintage shops and antique centers.  Not that did not indulge mind you.....I came home with a few tangible treasures too.  But, the day was a joy on so many levels.  At one of the first stops, a vintage flea market, there was a "featured" vendor.  Her name is Stephanie Cerep and her company, "Favorables".  She says in her flyer that hers is a company that was "born out of the idea that kindness is contagious and each one of us is ABLE to make a difference, where seemingly small gestures......can make a person's day and ultimately have a positive impact on the world".  Stephanie is a disabled person by some descriptions but a very abled person if ever there was one.  So, I bought myself a little prezzie, one of her little favors, bearing these words: "Be good, Do good, Feel good".  How simple is that?  I told Stephanie that I would place my little item where I would see it every day and would be reminded of her kindness and simple words.

So, I'm on the way, one foot in front of the other, about to jump off that proverbial precipice into strange waters, hoping that I'm being good, doing good and feeling good along the way. Yes, Stephanie, your kindness is contagious and I hope that some of what I am doing will rub off onto anyone who needs assistance in following a path to a healthier life.

Oh, don't forget to check out Stephanie at: www.favorables.rocks

Grateful and Ready

I'm three days from my bariatric surgery.

My friend Lois gave me a little book that she thought I'd find useful as the journey progresses. It is a charming little journal, one that I can and will, use to practice 365 days of gratitude.  I have already made entries and lately, I have been giving so much thought to the abundance of things and people for which I am truly grateful.

Most of all, I am grateful to my friends who have supported me in ways that they may not even be aware of.

 These Spring-like days, so uncharacteristic of late February, make me believe that they have been set aside for me alone, that they are setting a stage.  One of the things I feared when the date of February 28th was set, was a big snow storm that would cause postponement but that seems rather unlikely as I look at the forecast.  For once, a big event in my life might not be overshadowed by weather!

I have a lot to enter into that little journal.  I know that there are going to be some rough days ahead, that this choice that I have made will be one that I might entertain a regret for, more than once.  But, I do also know that I will have people around me who will lift me right back up when I do get down, who will remind me of how far I have come and tell me that they will be there with me along the way. I'm so confident because of your confidence in me.  I'm so ready because you have allowed me to get ready, even if you, my friends, have not fully understood the plans.

Forward, March.....

After a long absence, Winter is back.  We had our first major snowfall and I have spent lots of time indoors, getting projects that have been on a back burner,  done.  I'm nesting.  Feels like I'm awaiting the first pangs of labor, heralding the bigger wave and eventual arrival of a baby that I nurtured within myself for nine months.  When I actually did birth babies, I always knew that soon they would be arriving because of my sudden spurts of uber-activity.  We didn't even know the word "uber" back then, but let me tell you, scrubbing grout in a bathroom with a toothbrush surely would define the word now.  This time, it is not a baby.....but it probably weighs as much as a whole nursery filled with them.  This time, I am readying for my next big life-changing event and I have a date!  Finally.

The phone call was basically anti-climatic.

"I'm calling to schedule your surgery"

The date, mutually consented.....Tuesday, February 28th.  The time to be determined later, as in the day before.

Instructions have arrived in the mail.

This coming Tuesday, Valentine's Day, is the last "class".  It's called "NURSE EDUCATOR" class and Joe will accompany me.  It's the down-and-dirty session where all questions will be answered, making it very real and hopefully, not scary.  My surgeon has already met with me and soothed me with his candor and confidence.  According to him, the show will all be over in thirty minutes.  I'm assuming that he means thirty minutes of his time.  I know I will be pre-occupied in the O.R. for longer than that.  Thirty minutes and hopefully, a lifetime of distorted self-image will disappear forever.

Next week, I will "diet" in earnest.  No, I will not have the Last Supper every day from now until the 28th.  That's not a particularly good idea.  The smaller my liver is, the happier my surgical team will be.  March will be a time of peculiar ups and downs.  Lose weight now.  Gain 10 to 20 pounds in thirty minutes due to surgery. Lose weight again.  One year later, see a weight gain, it's expected. Okay, one step at a time.

I will update after the Nurse class.  Seems funny tho.  I'm a nurse and I've been an educator.  Hmmmm.  Maybe there's a career opportunity ahead.  If I'm starting a new life, I'll still be young enough.  Right?  Hmmmm.