Egg Down

The long-anticipated scrambled egg.  I have to report, it went down without a glitch so far.  I'm kinda disappointed because I honestly thought that I was going to have to stop, halfway through, because I was already feeling full.  Not so.  I could eat a dozen.  Maybe that's head hunger?  I don't know but it is discouraging.

This new stomach, it's only a tool.  There are no guarantees that after all this, I will lose weight.

But, I gave it my best shot and I'm ready for the next health professional who suggests that I lose weight and resorts to scare tactics such as "you are going to die from heart disease".   Bring 'em on, I'm waiting.

I have come full-cycle now with using this blog as a way to keep everyone posted on my progress.
I'm fine.  I really am. I'm back in the groove, ready to get together with friends again, go to movies, take walks, entertain.  Thanks for checking in and caring.  This stuff can be boring. Trust me.  My own daughter gave up being interested within the first week.  My son asks once in a while.  My father thinks I had something done to my foot, for what reason I do not know, but he's deemed me all put-back together so he's moved on.

So, I'll update from time to time but from now on, I'm returning to writing about other stuff and other people and there will be times when I write about gratitude because that's the most important thing in the world.  I'm so grateful to my friends who showed their love and their concern.  About that, I could write an entire book.

We dodged a big bullet yesterday.  The Nor'easter that was headed our way with the promise of many inches of new snow, materialized in the form of an ocean's worth of rain and wind.  The sky is blue, the air crisp, and the sun is shining.  The promise of Spring has returned and with it, let's hope the patio contractor returns soon to complete the job.  I can't wait to have our new patio so that we can fill it with good times and our beautiful array of friends.

Gotta go.  I'm still hungry.  Remember.....I tried!!!!!

Best Wishes

I have been drifting around on a Bariatric Forum.  I find it interesting to hear the stories of others, especially those who were "sleeved" on the same day as I. I already picked up a few tips from some of the contributors and hopefully, have helped a few with my own comments.  This is how I am going to roll. I am not going to attend support groups  Sorry, I'm just not a support group kinda gal. I am ready, willing, and able to give support to anyone who needs or wants it but I can't sit in a circle, sharing stories and what I know will be a catalog of "recipes", with a group of strangers.  That has never worked for me in the past and I doubt that it will do me much good in the future.  Were it such a great tool for success, I would have become a Weight Watcher leader by now.  I do my own thing, always have and always will.

My greatest support has come, and continues to come, from my friends. People who truly know me and people I truly know.  Most of them are thin, few of them even know what it's like to have a weight "problem".  But, they're there, all of them fresh and ready to cheer me on.  They have been there from the start.  I have encountered only one , shall I say "opponent". This, by the way, is the one person who professed to have known me "best" or at least, she, held that thought.  In the end, it became abundantly clear that she knew me the least and a long-lasting friendship came to a screeching halt.  It was this person who questioned my motives and boldly asked me why, "at my age" I would consider doing this.  Huh?  I'm not a hundred. And even if I were, I would still have been just as appalled.  Why? Why?  Why not????

On one of the forums, I came across a video done by a young man on the cusp of having his own surgery.  He answers the question, why?,  beautifully when he tells his YouTube audience that he has made his decision based upon some pure logic.  He's overweight, always has been.  He's tired of the fight but knows that this is not the easy way out by any means. But, he's 43 and knows that while he is healthy now, he won't be in ten years.  Like me, he does not have any real health issues.  Now.  Like me, he knows that surgery and big lifestyle changes become harder as we age.  So, like me, he made the decision to change what he can when he still has a choice and when he knows he will be able to pull it off.  Like me, he isn't in this for the "looks".  Like me, he isn't interested in appearing better, just feeling better.  Just changing what can be changed before it is too late. I like him.

I hope that my anonymous YouTube friend is as fortunate as I have been.  I know he's nervous about the surgery and very possibly, scared about the recovery.  He won't tell his Italian mother.  He doesn't want her to worry and knows she will.  Bless his soul.  I hope to find a follow-up video one day soon. I was nervous too.  I was sure that I wanted to be right there, at that time, in that pre-op room.  But surgery always presents a risk.  I had to sign a boat load of papers that testified to my understanding of those risks.  As I lay there, in between signing and getting poked and set for the procedure, the miracle of technology allowed me to check my email on my phone.  I received a note from a friend that lifted my spirits and carried me through the waiting time and the hardest moments of the recovery time.  It is a note that everyone should have in their in-box, at least once in a life time.
It was from my friend Patti.  God, I am so blessed.

All the things I love about you are unaffected by weight gain or loss. 

Best wishes   -   Patti

Let's Hear it for the Girls

This is one of my absolute favorite photos.  I took thousands of them when I was in Italy all by myself following my mother's death.  For an entire month, I walked around the town of Assisi and my camera was firmly planted in my palm, ready to capture moments that I never wished to forget. One afternoon, these two beautiful ladies showed up.  As un-obtrusively as I could possibly be, I aimed my camera, hoping to find a story. My camera was my conduit to the stories that I knew I would later be writing, that the people and places I came upon were pieces of a big picture, participants in a life so large it could only be recorded one frame at a time. The pre-travel goal was simple.  I needed time to heal of course, but I wanted to find stories.  I needed to have new frames of reference that would carry me through the rest of my life if not through the mourning of a cherished one.

Who are these ladies?  Where are they going?  In a matter of a few seconds, my mind whirled with questions and I knew that there were so many possible answers.  They were oblivious to me and my camera, engaged in a conversation.  As they walked uphill, possibly a metaphor in itself, they continued to talk, neither needing to stop to catch a breath.  Apparently, they were conditioned to the demands of their walk, probably having done it on a regular basis for many, many years.  Did they always ascend this hill together at the same time each day I wondered.  One story finds them having just left the home of a friend or a relative.  Were they related?  Sisters?  Sisters-in-law? Cousins? Or, were they life-long good friends?  Were they gossiping?  Maybe they were planning something or sharing a recipe.  Or were they sharing mutual concern over the health of a loved one.  Maybe they weren't coming from a place at all.  They could have been on their way to a familiar location or home.
My questions will never be answered.  I can always enjoy the photo and speculate but it does serve as a constant reminder of the beauty of sisterhood.

This is not about celebrating International Women's Day.  I celebrate that every day, thank you.  But this is about girl friends, gal-pals. You have been MAGnificient and you know who you are.  You are a cause for jubilation each and every day and in my life, you have made your presence known in an even more joyous way than you have ever before.  The last weeks have brought you out in force.  You have called, emailed, texted, visited, driven and taken time to share.  Without you, I would have a lesser life.  With you, my life is filled to the brim with more than I could ever hope for. The times we spent together allowed us to share, gave us the opportunity to catch up on all aspects of our lives and hopefully, solve some of our own little problems.  Women are naturally endowed with that ability, the keepers of secrets, the solvers of problems.  We have power and we have strength and we are not afraid to share love.

Yesterday was filled with post-op medical visits.  My darling friend Beth drove the 45 minutes to the surgeon's office and waited for me.  We needed that time to catch up.  Our lives have been too busy and complicated lately and our regular weekly days-out had fallen by the wayside.  When she dropped me off, we hugged and promised to resume our weekly rituals as soon as we can.  The day before, my amazing pal Lynette picked me up for some R&R, getting me out of the house and helping me to re-enter the real world.  We shopped, we sipped tea, we shared and I was left with a beautiful basket filled with all of the right tools for pampering myself.  How did she know that I needed just that?  Girlfriends.  They know it all.  Intuition.  Empowerment.  Brave spirits.

My day ended yesterday with one final note of pure woman-power, when I had my appointment with my GP, Patty Fater.  She's an amazing woman and I am totally blessed to have her as my very own doctor.  I simply cannot explain her.  To know her is to love her and to trust her and I do all of the above.  When I asked her why I wasn't losing weight despite my low caloric intake and why I wasn't running to the toilet despite my high fluid intake, she put my mind totally at ease.  She spoke to me as only a woman, grounded in the truth would.  Here's what she said:

"Your body is still in a protective mode.  It does not know that you did this intentionally.  It assumes you have been assaulted and it will hold onto everything it can, including volumes of water, until it is sure that you are okay.  Then, and only then, will it feel free to release anything"

I hugged her as we parted and then I gave her some of my wisdom.

"If you are scared that you will go down the same path of one of your ancestors, that heredity will be the only view of the future, be brave and change what you can. And, if you are not completely in love with your doctor, your friend, then find another"

On the scale this morning.....lost a pound. Things are changing.  My body knows I'm a woman!!!

Grateful and Ready

I'm three days from my bariatric surgery.

My friend Lois gave me a little book that she thought I'd find useful as the journey progresses. It is a charming little journal, one that I can and will, use to practice 365 days of gratitude.  I have already made entries and lately, I have been giving so much thought to the abundance of things and people for which I am truly grateful.

Most of all, I am grateful to my friends who have supported me in ways that they may not even be aware of.

 These Spring-like days, so uncharacteristic of late February, make me believe that they have been set aside for me alone, that they are setting a stage.  One of the things I feared when the date of February 28th was set, was a big snow storm that would cause postponement but that seems rather unlikely as I look at the forecast.  For once, a big event in my life might not be overshadowed by weather!

I have a lot to enter into that little journal.  I know that there are going to be some rough days ahead, that this choice that I have made will be one that I might entertain a regret for, more than once.  But, I do also know that I will have people around me who will lift me right back up when I do get down, who will remind me of how far I have come and tell me that they will be there with me along the way. I'm so confident because of your confidence in me.  I'm so ready because you have allowed me to get ready, even if you, my friends, have not fully understood the plans.